At 102 minutes, The Movie (the geniuses at Disney really couldn't come up with a better title than The Movie?) is only slightly longer than the unsufferable previews that preceded it. (I know "previews that preceded" is redundant. Such were the previews of every movie scheduled to be released for the remainder of Barack Obama's term as president. We were treated to scenes of cars blowing up and whatnot that really were not appropriate for a pre-pre-pre-tween audience.
But I digress. Forgive me, for I probably haven't been to a movie in the actual Cinemultidigitalsurroundsoundplex since ... well, let's just say that I was smitten with the concept of stadium seating. Yeah, I get out a lot.)
In that spirit, I give you my own previews to The Review.
The Time: 5:43 a.m.
The Day: Saturday (Oh wait, scratch that. Here's what I meant to write.)
The Day: Saturday. One with no therapy sessions, no agenda, nothing to do.(OK, that's more accurate.)
What: Hannah Montana serenading me from the family room
"Life is just a party so come as you are ..."
Followed by,"He's playing MY CD ON THE COMPUTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Did I mention that this was at 5:43 a.m.? On a Saturday when we have nothing to do? On a morning that greeted us with a downpour? Yeeeeaaaah. None of that was enough to stop the Hannah fever in this house, but especially on The Morning After seeing The Movie in The Theater.
Here's another preview: Mommy and Betty standing in line. The parent of another Hannah fan approached. "Are you seeing the Hannah movie?" she asked.
I wonder what could have possibly given it away. The hot-pink Secret Pop Star jersey with pink leggings that Betty was wearing? I nodded, yes indeed.
"I have an extra ticket for this show that I bought online," she said, proffering the ticket. "If you want it."
I'm thinking I'm in the middle of Groundhog Day or The Truman Show, because this has happened before - like last month when Betty and I went to the Flower Show. I stared at her. "Are you sure?" And just like the woman at the Flower Show, she disappeared into the crowd, leaving me as the bearer of a ticket to The Movie.
(Since I'm apparently a magnet for people bestowing tickets on me, I want it known that I am currently accepting any and all lottery tickets that folks don't plan on using - preferably the mega-millions-income-equivalent-to-that-of-Miley-Cyrus'-earnings winning version. I mean, I'm just sayin'.)
OK, now for our Feature Presentation. The Review of Hannah Montana: The Movie. Let's cut to the chase: Disney has hit a home run out of the park with this one. Hannah Montana: The Movie is what kids movies should be like, and what they used to be like. I rewound the VHS to my own childhood when I recalled seeing the likes of Benji and The Black Stallion on the big screen. It's that type of feel-good type family movie. And by family, the whole family can see this and enjoy it without feeling uncomfortable or worried about explaining some sexual reference or innuendo. There's no bad language, nothing that would make a parent cringe.
Instead, I found myself singin' and smilin' at Miley, remembering what it was like to fall for a cute guy (and cutie patootie Lucas Till fits the bill there nicely) and want him to fall for me too. (Like back then. Not now, lest you think I'm getting all coo-coo-ca-choo Mrs. Robinson here.)
The plot of The Movie is also innocent enough. Being Hannah has gone to Miley's head, so her father (played by her real-life dad Billy Ray Cyrus) takes her back to Tennessee - coincidentally, the name of his new single on his new CD (his 11th! who knew?) - for a lesson in remembering who she is and where she comes from. Back in Tennessee, Miley has several mishaps - falling off chicken coops and falling in love. Robby Ray, still missing Miley's mom (played by Brooke Shields on the show but only shown in a touching photo in The Movie), also falls for someone new, too. (Melora Hardin, also known as Jan from The Office.) The fictional town of Crowley Corners is falling into the hands of a greedy developer who wants to build a shopping mall so a fundraising concert is held to save the town.
Speaking of music, that's a big highlight of The Movie, obviously, and it's pretty decent. (Taylor Swift and Rascal Flatts make appearances, too.) It has that Mamma Mia feel, when you just want to get up and dance in the aisle. And in our theater, a few kiddos did just that. It's a really fun time, and judging from the comments I overheard as we left ("I could watch that like 10 more times, like all in a row!") we weren't alone.
We also weren't alone in those dancing down the mall corrider afterwards, high steppin' it to FYE in search of the Hannah Montana: The Movie soundtrack, which we played at top volume in the car en route home.
After all, in the immortal words of Hannah Montana, life is just a party ....