Saturday, May 2, 2009

No Kiss for You!

Who would have guessed that I actually have something in common with Joan Collins?

Admittedly, I've been known to channel my inner Alexis Carrington from time to time. But that was mostly back in the day when people actually knew who Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter Monroe was. Maturity and meds have, I believe, mellowed me juuuuuuust a tad.

And that's where the similarities between me and the Dynasty queen ended, I thought ... until I heard about Joan Collins telling singer Lily Allen to kiss-off.

In the Tweet heard 'round the world, Allen reported being rebuffed at some swanky soiree upon attempting to give Diva Joan a friendly kiss in the way of greeting. "I don't kiss people I don't know," Collins responded to Allen's overture.

And to that I say: Joan, you go girlfriend! With that Joan Collins is my new heroine. I mean, maybe Joan was just worried about catching the swine flu. With a world pandemic imminent, who could blame her?

Like Joan, I'm no fan of social kissing either. Greeting people with a kiss or two or - good Lord, three - made me uncomfortable even before we were all informed that we were all going to die from the swine flu, or H1N1, or whatever the politically-correct terminology is today for what's amounting to a mild version of the common cold. Personally, I'm hoping that all this hysteria over the swine flu is the kiss of death for this social protocol. It could be the best thing that ever happened to society. Indeed, even CNN reports that all this could lead to a 'social distancing' trend and Dr. Sanjay Gupta is advocating that we greet one another with an "elbow bump."

And if we all adopt the idea of greeting each other with "el-bumps," I envision a new career-revitalizing move for the 75-year old Joan Collins. She could become the internal spokesperson or honorary chair of an undoubtedly soon-to-be-launched nonprofit organiation, People Embracing Elbow-Bumping As A Greeting (PEEBAAG).

Wouldn't the Carrington clan be so proud?

A footnote: does it strike anyone else as amusing that Joan Collins' outfit in this Dynasty photo below is remarkably similar to the one worn at this week's event where she dissed Lily Allen?

(Photo on left: DVD cover of Dynasty's third season. Photo on right from the Selfridges Big Yellow Festival opening party this week of Mayor of London Boris Johnson who looks scared shitless to be standing next to Joan Collins.)

And does anyone else find it amusing and a tad bit ironic to recall that one of the infamous Krystle-Alexis catfights was in a lily pad?

(Or maybe I just need to get out of the '80s and, oh, maybe get a life.)

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