Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Cool Change

This is the vacation year where the lines in the sand between my kids have appeared.

They've always been there, of course, ever since the developmental pediatrician decreed that Boo had "clinical features of the autism spectrum" and perhaps even before. But this year, especially, they are with us in a way that we're struggling to manage.

The lines of worry, of anxiety.  The recognition on Boo's part that he is, indeed, different - resulting in his increased worry and anxiety. Betty's embarrassment and anger at his baby talk, his noises. Her realization that most people don't have dinnertime conversations where one needs to ask if there's an Unthinkable in their brain. 

He spilled water on his shirt yesterday at lunch.  "I'm embarrassed," he said.  I don't think I've heard him express that before, which was a huge step, but one that crossed a line. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about," said Betty, leaning over and giving him a smile. 

There are changes all around us during this trip. Our beach transforms overnight and we don't know what to expect.  To reach the ocean's edge on Monday we needed to cross the sand (the beach replenishment project was an apparent success, increasing the width by hundreds of feet) , then forge a small - what is the word for a small stream of water dividing the beach and the ocean? - then a slight incline, and then finally we were at the ocean's edge. 

The next day, it was back to the way we're used to, calm in the morning, the chasm gone. Something to do with the tides, I suspect.

I don't know enough about these kinds of tides.

The weather, too, has been indecisive - overcast but with sun peeking through on occasion, a sprinkle followed by sun - making those among us fretful and worried, throwing plans and psyches into turmoil.

On the boardwalk the other night, the marquee sign announced, "Little River Band - Mon 8 p.m." (yes, the Little River Band!) and since then I have had "Cool Change" running through my head.

If there's one thing in my life that's missing

It's the time I spend alone
Sailing on the cool and bright clear waters
There's lots of those friendly people
Showin me ways to go
And I never want to lose your inspiration
Time for
a cool change...
I know that it's time
for a cool change
Now that my life
is so pre-arranged
I know that it's time
for a cool change
Well I was born in the sign of water
And it's there that I feel my best
The albatross and the whales
they are my brothers
It's kind of a special feeling
When you're out on the sea alone
Starin' at the full moon
like a lover
Time for
a cool change...
I know that it's time
for a cool change

"There's a blog post in this somewhere," I said to The Husband, after coming back from my walk last night and discovering my chair gone and replaced by a canoe.  "Something about the changes we're seeing with the kids, with Betty seeming so much older and grown up tonight at dinner and Boo ...." 

My voice trailed off.  We were silent.

"Chairs are stationary," he said finally.  "But canoes allow you to sail."

copyright 2010, Melissa (Betty and Boo's Mommy, The Betty and Boo Chronicles) If you are reading this on a blog or website other than The Betty and Boo Chronicles or via a feedreader, this content has been stolen and used without permission.


Amy said...

Wow. I LOVE that line by your husband that canoes allow you to sail. I hope your vacation is great and you can have a wonderful time with your kids. They sound wonderful.

Niksmom said...

Wow, that last part just undid me. I know we're all changing bit by bit, day by day, but it sure seems the realization of those changes just sneaks up on us, doesn't it?

Hoping the rest of your vacation is smooth sailing.

K A B L O O E Y said...

Man, The Husband is right there with big picture and with a positive spin on the situation. Got to love that. Good luck navigating this transition and all of you finding your way through with as much grace and kindness as possible.

Trisha said...

Sounds like a wonderful vacation you guys are having. I can't believe there's a canoe there now. Too cool.

avisannschild said...

I love your husband's comment too. This is a beautiful post. Enjoy the rest of your vacation!