Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Melissa changed her status from Married to In a Relationship.

"So many tech-heads, recent invasion
I stretch out my long legs 
And I kick away the mouse pad, baby ...."

Google + ? God, you're good. 

I did not want to fall in love with you.  Hell, I did not even want to LIKE you. Oh, you have no idea how much I didn't want to like you. 

In fact, it was my intention to despise you because, truly, I need the likes of you like I need another $10,000 price drop on my currently for-sale house. 

I don't have TIME for you.  I'm a grown up. With  RESPONSIBILITIES. There are kids that occasionally like dinner to be made for them.  And there's a novel that I'd like to write before I'm, say, 80.  And I've got a house that needs to be packed up because we are moving in 19 freakin' days. 

Google, I do not need to + you to my life right now.  

But, well, one thing you've already figured out about me is that I'm easy.  So damn easy. 

I even changed my browser for you. 

I mean, all I need to do is see a handful of friends ogling you and I want a piece of you too.  I need to see what you're all about.  What you can do for ME. 

And you ... you've got some potential, kiddo.  Oh, yes.  Yes, you do.  

You're teasing me with those big wide-eyed circles of yours.  Making it so easy for me to do what I secretly love - put my friends into secret categories.  You know that's one of my pet peeves with whatshisFace. I never quite got used to my friends all commingled like that and even though he promised that I could still keep some people out of my life, he's made it pretty damn difficult.  And, like those little pesky habits that you start to ignore when you're in a long-term relationship, I've gotten used to that.  

But you?  You're a quick drag and drop, baby.  You're all about the drag and the drop, aren't you? 

And now, after spending just one day together, you've got me sitting by my laptop like my 16 year old self by my push-button Princess phone, picking up the receiver to see if there's a dial tone. (Remember those?) Instead, now, I'm constantly checking to see if someone's added me to a circle.

You know how to play me, don't you?  You're smooth like that.  

You're all sleek, fresh, brand spankin' new, still a virgin in terms of ads or videos of a dubious nature. You haven't spammed me yet. You haven't taken me on a lame date to Farmville or asked me to buy you animals for your Zoo, or bought me some cheap Bejeweled Blitz and you know what? I'd prefer we keep it that way. (Let's keep it simple and casual, baby. No need to mess up a good thing, right?) And worst of all, you haven't slowed down in the middle of a session, like Facebook was doing a few weeks ago, frustrating me to no end. 

Cyberman lights up but mostly he floppy
Computer man crashes
He's so humpty dumpty, baby.

I've been around the block long enough to know we might be just each other's summer flings, that eventually you'll turn out to be like all the others. We'll be hot and heavy for a little while, and then we'll see each other's dark side, our true colors shining through.  Then ... you know what comes next. We'll have to have The Talk.  Re-evaluate our relationship and all that bullshit. Figure out Where We're At and Where We're Going. What we MEAN to each other.

See, deep down inside? I'm a girl who's looking for someone who cares about ME, as a person.  And I'll give you this: so far, you're saying and doing all the right things.

This, Google+, could be the start of a beautiful friendship. 

Or .... more.   

Much, much more. 
I don't want to have to go into
Those chat rooms anymore
I don't want to see that pinwheel go 'round
And around and around 
Every time I try to open any window
Hold me, you big dumb guy, you smart guy.
"Big Dumb Guy" ~ Carly Simon 

copyright 2011, Melissa, The Betty and Boo Chronicles If you are reading this on a blog or website other than The Betty and Boo Chronicles or via a feedreader, this content has been stolen and used without permission.


Cass said...

hahahaha, I love this post. I'm with you on your love of Google+, although I hesitate to bring up Google+'s polyamorous ways when you are so clearly devoted. ;)

Niksmom said...

LMAO! I'm using it but I'm still not quite getting the hang of it. Feels like Facebook Lite. *shrug*

Florinda said...

I love this, and I think I could get to love Google+ too. I just want to see more of the people I want to interact with start using it!

Teresa said...

This post gave me a chuckle! I'm still working on figuring it out, but it is an interesting experiment.

Mel said...

Hilarious. I'm still testing out the waters and not sure I'm ready to change my relationship status, but we shall see. Thanks for making me chuckle!

Jennifer said...

Loved reading this. I find myself leaning toward giving up on Facebook in favor of Google+. My experiences with google+ thus far have been incredibly positive. Let's hope it continues.