Fireworks Night at a local baseball game.
Photo taken by me, September 2010.
We made some decisions this Independence Day weekend.
Things have to change. And, by the end of this month, they will.
As regular readers know, we've been living in limbo since February. Actually, it's been longer than that because the uncertainty about The Husband's previous job started way, way before this year. When this new opportunity came along in January, we grabbed it for all the potential it offered. And so far, so good.
Sometimes you really can start over.
But it came with a price. During the weeks, our family has been separated by 300 miles. For four months, The Husband has driven home on the weekends and then back again. Those nearly 10,000 miles have taken its toll, in many ways. This is nothing, I know, compared to families enduring much greater separations and for much longer.
Like tens of thousands of other people, our house isn't selling. We've had two showings in the almost two months we've been on the market; we just dropped the price by yet another $10,000 this weekend. We're taking a huge, six-digit financial hit on this house, on top of the financial hit of my being fired when I told my boss we were planning to relocate at some point.
Yet we are much better off than many, many other people out there. We know this. Yet, that doesn't stop the fear of the unknown, the what-if questions that keep us up separately, apart, in the night. They are the same questions that people have asked in far more challenging times.
The kids are absorbing the impact of their father not being here, and of the impact that my job loss has had. They notice what isn't any longer (summer camp, mainly). Boo's social skills are suffering. They talk in terms that are too grown up for them. They act out. They internalize and worry more than they think I know.
Yet they are resilient like hell.
Instead of searching for answers that aren't easily forthcoming, perhaps we need to take our cues from them.
Regardless of our individual, personal circumstances, we all have the fear. We are all sometimes paralyzed by the what-ifs.
We can declare our independence from all that.
And so, at the end of the month, we're stopping this treadmill of insanity. We're embracing what we still have (our family, our health, etc.) and walking away from the fear, the what-ifs, the woulda-coulda-shoulda mantra that has been the soundtrack of our lives for way too long. (We're still paying the mortgage, lest our creditors are reading this, but for all intents and purposes, we're done.)
Life's too tough and too short for this shit. It's time for a new start, to start living again. In 25 days, we get that choice and that opportunity in a new place. Like so many have done before, and like so many will continue to do.
Yes, there are problems and obstacles and challenges.
But there are still opportunities for the taking.
There are still choices to make.
There are still dreams to be dreamed.
Don’t it seem so far away
Oh, we’re traveling light today
In the eye of the storm
In the eye of the storm
To a new and a shiny place
Make our bed and we’ll say our grace
Freedom’s light burning warm
Freedom’s light burning warm ...
"America" ~ Neil Diamond
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