(Or, How to Give Your Mother a Heart Attack in Three Easy Steps.)
1. Wear your Ninja costume from Halloween to bed, in lieu of pajamas.
2. At precisely 4:56 a.m. on a Saturday morning, stand grinning patiently by your mother's bedside in your Ninja costume.
3. Watch your mother's reaction when she opens her eyes (after a terribly restless night's sleep) at 4:57 a.m.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph. (All of whom I thought I was going to be having breakfast with this morning, given the way my heart was racing.) I mean, really, I need this shit at 4:57 a.m. on a Saturday? Really? When we have absolutely nothing to do and nowhere to be? After a crappy night's sleep? When I'm coming off of a three-day migraine/sinus headache?
At least I can be thankful that My Boy had the good sense not to be holding the Ninja toy sword. That's something anyway.
In the meantime, make my morning coffee a decaf, please.
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